I’m often amazed at how unending my tears are. I’m astonished by their perpetual streaming; a gushing forth from the bottomless ocean of my heart, often without a known reason.
And just when I think ‘I should be done now’, there’s more… and more… and I’m amazed that they never seem to dry up.
I’ve cried many these last few weeks.
It’s so common that we are told ‘don’t cry’ when tearing up, often with a tone of pity and an attempt to console… or ‘what’s the matter’ as if there needs to be a justifiable reason for crying.
I get it that being with another’s emotions is hard to tolerate when we haven’t been fully with our own – so of course, that is where it begins.
I am super grateful to have a love in my life who has been holding me through it all. ♥️
Being held by another in the full throes of crying is incredibly healing. And I love that Mama nature is consistently reliable and always ready to receive my tears.
I’ve recently given my tears to the flowing waters and watched her wash them downstream, allowing her to release me. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to do.
A lot of the time I don’t know why I’m crying – I just trust what is moving through me and let it do what it needs to do.
Almost every time I feel my heart washed clean. It’s like the waters break and I am reborn.
I’ve had people tell me recently that they find it hard to cry or express their emotions which I can’t relate to at all 😂 and sometimes I wonder if some of the tears I cry are on their behalf. 🤷🏽♀️
My sense is that there is a fear that once the floodgates open, there will be no stopping the sheer and unstoppable force of all the tears previously uncried. Which in truth is not something to fear, but to revere. 🙏🏻
It’s understandable though, as the defenselessness in shedding our tears with abandon is a threat to a distorted ideal of ‘having it all together’.
And I think “having it together” is way overrated.
I’d much rather you falling apart in a heap on the floor, to be honest, than upholding some mask of being stoic and “strong”.
I think of my grandmother who held it all together for her family, and what I see as the unacknowledged grief that had her die of lung cancer.
I know I’ve cried many tears for the women who came before me, and for the earth mother herself. These tears have liberated me from the burden of feelings unfelt.
Having cried a lot lately, a deeper wellspring of joy and innocence is bubbling up from a place beneath the beneath; an intensity of compassion is opening from within me which I cherish.
When someone cries in my presence I rejoice. ♥️ And my wish is to be like these rocks holding steady loving presence as the tears flow.