Feminine awakening feels way different from the detached, transcendent enlightenment I was led to believe as ‘the way’.
When I started to experience a distinctly sexual energy during meditation, I thought I was doing something wrong & kept it a secret from my teachers who took pride in their mastery through celibacy.
It took years of denying this force within me, which I now know as a manifestation of Shakti – creative energy- until finally she began to awaken me to the sacredness & potency of what I suppressed.
Much purification of my sexuality took place in the years that followed, coming into right relationship with my sex. I discovered and religiously practised tantric and Taoist techniques to cultivate & harness this creative energy, reclaiming it as holy.
Though I explored with a couple of lovers during this time, mostly it has been an inner journey. I now feel intimate with the erotic as it exists beyond sex. . To me, touching God feels like Life making love through me.
Truth resounds as an orgasmic sensation in my yoni & womb.
My pelvis pulsates when I’m onto a good thing – this swirling erotic energy in my base guides me.
My practices anchor me deeper in this connection, which I do feel cut off from sometimes.
This has opened me to a felt sense of freedom manifesting through my body when I strip back the layers and am in a space where I feel safe to let go.
By the grace of the Mother I no longer feel apart from Her.
I feel the ecstasy of being alive; the tremendous delight of life breathing me.
I AM Mother Nature.
Shakti moves me;
My dance is a trance I am under the spell of the Goddess.
Nothing can touch me, yet I am touched by everything.
Particles of air kiss my wide awake skin, deepening my ecstasy.
Breath arises spontaneously, catapulting me into yogic bliss.
This is absolutely not how I feel all the time
Though there have been times where i have felt this way for days or weeks & got absolutely nothing done because I wanted to dance naked in the wonder of it all endlessly.
It’s a far reach from a tranquil Buddha in the bliss of transcendent emptiness, yet I’m coming to know both expressions of awakening as valid.
And In fact, to restore the balance for me personally, bringing home my inner masculine is needed.
To be of service in the way I feel called to requires my focus; for my inner masculine to be ‘online’. This is my edge right now, because it sure is tempting to become a naked wandering ecstatic Yogini.
As we approach the Spring equinox, Nature is supporting us to come into balance.
I’m being guided from within, and letting this meeting of opposites become my dance!