My heart beats fast sharing this as it feels like such a tender truth. There is a rising trend of being ‘unapologetic’, and with it, it seems, a forgetting of the value of the humble apology.
So much so-called spirituality these days borders on self-entitlement (or let’s be honest, sometimes it’s full blown), and has become so black and white that basic virtues like kindness & humility have gone to the wayside.
To say sorry is to admit we have fucked up (surprise – we are human!)
To say sorry is to be humbled by the acknowledgement that we made a mistake.
Or even if we didn’t, we can acknowledge the impact of our actions on another
In saying sorry, one must lay down their pride
Because for sure
To say sorry can be a vulnerable thing
An admission of our imperfection
Or perhaps an opening of our heart to feel another’s experience
A sorry has a tremendous power
To repair the rupture
To reconcile and to heal
To foster connection
A simple but sincere sorry (when genuinely called for) can save so much angst
Even if it’s shaky to say so
I’m not talking about appeasing a person
But a genuine act of kindness – even if you have to dig deep for it!
It is such a small gesture
That can have a big impact
When I receive “I’m sorry”, my heart softens and opens.
Intimacy deepens with the other.
Trust is strengthened
Forgiveness is easier
I feel seen
When a sorry is withheld
I feel the armour of the other
A disconnect and a distance
A disappointment at a lost opportunity for intimacy
I’ve also noticed an overemphasis on “reframing”.
Here’s a fairly mundane example to demonstrate my point:
When someone arriving late says “thank you for your patience’ instead of “I’m sorry to make you wait”
The first assumes something about me that isn’t necessarily true! It abdicates responsibility.
The second acknowledges my experience and includes taking responsibility for their part in it.
Can you feel the difference?
Love from me and lady pink rose
P.S I should add, gratefully there are many exceptions to this observation!!